I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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