Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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