Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How does it feel to date your dad?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
