Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got inside last night via doggy door
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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