as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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