Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
