they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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