she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
