If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
