The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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