I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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