I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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