i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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