Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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