Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
