I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
