I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
