why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
