The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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