I CAN MOONWALK!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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