he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
