found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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