maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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