Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He did a backflip because drugs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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