I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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