It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize