do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
