I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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