If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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