upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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