you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
