What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
