I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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