Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
