Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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