Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
