No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
