took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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