he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
