Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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