my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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