I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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