I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
