thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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