all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my being single is dangerous.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
