I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
