white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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