Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
