I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
