Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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