I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
