Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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