all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
