Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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