I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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