she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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