I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
